The Ultimate Guide To Getting a Girlfriend

Thanks to Jay-Kay for sending me this, enjoy!

The Ultimate Guide To Getting a Girlfriend

1. When she asks how she looks shrug and say “could be better” this will keep her on her toes,

and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness (or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers

really really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are).

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs; they love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she’s sleeping. If she is say you say “you better be”. Repeat

this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her

own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most. Then, when she’s sleeping, steal all her small

things and break them. Because jewelry is for pussies and asian ladies.

7. If you’re talking to another girl, make sure she’s looking. When she is, stare into her eyes, mouth the words

@#%$ you, and grab the other girls ass. Girls love competition.

8. Tell her you’re taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it’s going to be really special. Then,

take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you’re really

going to take her to dinner. Then, drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like

that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear “…because i can.”

9. Introduce her to your friends as “some chick”. Women love those special nicknames.

10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

11. Warm her up when she’s cold…and not by giving her your jacket… then you might get cold. Rather, look her

in the eye and say “if you don’t stop bitching about the cold right now you’re going to be bitching about a black

eye”. The best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there she’ll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately.

Come back right when the partys dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that

funny. Why shouldn’t girls?

14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she’s fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR!

Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things. Like basketball or waterpolo.

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. if you care about her, never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn

her into the object she deep down desires to be.

17. Every time you’re in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in

pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way she’ll go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when shes about to order interrupt and say “no she’s not hungry”. Make her watch

you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then clock her one to the face. Girls love a spontaneous guy.

20. Give her one of your t-shirts……and make sure it has your smell on it. But not a sexy cologne smell. A bad

smell. You know what i’m talking about.

21. When its raining keep asking her if she’s crying. She’ll say no it’s just the rain. Ten minutes later, turn to

her and just scream at her to stop crying you @#%$ baby. Girls like a tough man as i’ve already stated.

22. Titty twisters, and plenty of them.

23. If you’re listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. this way she’ll think you’re mysterious.

24. Remember her birthday but don’t get her something. Teach her material objects aren’t important. The only thing

thats important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

25. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas or just
whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then, next time you know
she’s coming over on a trash day, leave the trash can open and have the
present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don’t like this one
that much, but I think it’s funny.

26. If she’s mad at you for not calling her when you say you will,
promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will
make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call that you’re
going to tell her a special surprise. Now she’ll be really excited. Don’t
call.

Another year older, but not wiser!

After reading the RuneScape New Year Message it looks as if Jagex really have a Rune-tacular year in store for us! The year 2009 was announced an upgrade year where Jagex would look at existing features and improve them; rather than developing further content. I wonder if 2010 will also have a theme!

The new skill and Grandmaster quest should be keeping the content developers busy! I wonder if they will spread these updates out over the year in smaller parts since these updates will be the main features of 2010 and any following updates will be seen as insignificant.

A word about the infamous ‘New Year Hacking’. I’ve had many people panicking and asking me about this event..which i know very little about!

I am assuming that this is some sort of joke, since i can’t see how our accounts would be any more at risk than normal. Some people have assumed the list contains some sort of virus, which is extremely unlikely since it’s an online viewable text document!

I’ve also heard rumours of ‘marshviperx’ the alleged hacker, having his own blog.  I’ve no idea if this is fake, but interesting nevertheless:

A Message from MarshviperX?

If you want to check ‘the list’ for your name, see my previous blog post, otherwise enjoy your scaping!

I would also like to quote an awesome message i had from Cynthia. They didn’t leave any information so i can’t give them real credit for this post, but it’s worth a read. Thank you very much for posting this Cynthia!

1. The file is named like it would be a million-user list, but there are 677,556 unique names in the list, out of 766,039 lines. There are 88,483 redundant lines.
2. There are 609,498 names appearing only once in the list. 48,471 names appear twice. 18,752 names appear 3 times. 832 names appear 4 times. These three players appear 5 times in the list: King Peter12, Timothy Gold, and Zogo. (The creator of this list is seriously noob at removing duplicates.)
3. You may find your name written with a capital at the start, and again with a lowercase letter at the start. Likewise, you may find your name written with spaces and then with underscores.
4. Ctrl+F doesn’t work as quickly for names like Zezima, due to people naming themselves Sir Zezima45 or whatever and appearing before the real person in the alphabetical list portion. But Zezima is there, 3 times.
5. The Old Nite (who died some time ago) is in the list, 3 times. I didn’t know you could hack a permanent banned account.

In short, nothing to see here, move along. If this hoax wasn’t dead in the water yet, it should be. Spread the word. Thanks. Also, happy New Year!

New Years Hacking?

There is a big scale rumor heading around RuneScape of over 750,000 accounts which are due to be hacked on New Years Eve.

Here is this text document I’ve been shown of one million accounts listed to be hacked. I am on this list which i feel both excited and nervous about!

Hacking List < Click here to view the list (online text document)

I searched the RuneScape forums for any Jagex Moderator responses and it appears most of the Jagex Moderators are already aware of this issue. There are many different responses which I have Screenshots for:

New Year Hacking - Jagex Mod Unsure

New Year Hacking - Jagex Mod Rumors

New Year Hacking - Forum Moderator Rumors

The following post was actually quite amusing!

New Year Hack - Funny Post

My conclusion:

A hack of this scale is not only insane but enough to get the culprit heavy jail time. Virtual hacking is a federal crime and one of this scale is definitely enough to hit the news.

However the fact that the hacker has announced the names, and many  Jagex Moderators are aware, changes my opinion completely. Being able to slip through the lines of Java Programming would be dangerous enough without having them already aware and expecting you!

I expect this to be a convincing rumor with so many high-leveled accounts listed, However i am still going to bank any expensive items just to help me sleep in peace tonight

I recommend everyone to have a bank pin, email address and recovery questions set up as your minimum account security.

Jagex vs Swiftkit

Thanks for all the replies on my previous post about the legality of Swiftkit. I tried as well as i could to write the post from a neutral perspective and not be bias to either party.

I do still think Jagex should either merge with Swiftkit to make a completely legal (and safe) program or create their own toolkit version.

Thank you to David for linking this thread which I’ve taken a screenshot:

Swiftkit vs Jagex

Jagex have NOT said this is legal, or they would have. The program will remain a liability and there is always the risk of your account being made unsafe.

I’d also like to thank NeoAvatars for confirming that different Jagex Moderators have given different opinions. But they now just advice players not to use the program.

Swiftkit Coverup?

A conversation was arisen in-game today about Swiftkit which quite annoyed me as high leveled players believed Swiftkit was legal.

It has clearly stated in the RuneScape Rules that using Third-Party Software is strictly against rules. It is quite unclear why this rule was written, however I’ve never heard of any sort of punishment or action taken against it, so this rule may be subject to change in the future. The main reason for this rule would obviously be for the safety of accounts since some programs may attempt to steal your account details.

Jagex's RuneScape Rules on Third Party Software

Since the Swiftkit toolkit is clearly a downloadable client, it most definitely enters the category of being a Third-party program.

Jagex Moderator Confirming Swiftkit is against Rules

Jagex moderators have confirmed countless times that Swiftkit is against the rules of RuneScape. There was even a pinned thread around a year ago when Jagex strengthened their rules to cut down on the amount of players using the program.

Zybez Swiftkit Forums - A lie!?

While searching through the Zybez Forums, the Swiftkit section has a title with rule 7 blatantly misinforming players that Swiftkit is legal!

Swift Kit - an unsure description?

In the Swiftkit download FAQ, the program is described as ‘Yes and No’ to breaking Third Party Program rules.

Swiftkit Toolkit Knowledge Base - Another difference in opinion?

Inside the Swiftkit Knowledgebase, we are then told to make our own decision whether Swiftkit is legal or not?

The underlying factor is, how much longer will Jagex remain unclear about trusted Third Party Software? Will they always remain a liability, or can well-used fansites be trusted? Will Jagex ever punish a player for using a Third Party Software, or is it at our own risk?

Will Jagex’s intention on maintaining a relationship with RuneScape fansites cross the boundary of Trusted partners? Reaching out to Fansite admins is already the likely cause not to censor the word ‘Swiftkit’, but will it remain a banned Third Party Program for long?

Discussing swiftkit breeches advertising rules and actually using the program crosses third party software guidelines. My advice would be to stay clear of the program completely.

Christmas Leakings

I would like to first say Merry Christmas! And for some pathetic reason i feel more excited for the new RuneScape skill than my presents this morning

A Dramatic Christmas!

I was talking to my friend Wat I Do 408 who has many leakings for the new skill. The mysterious cannonballs i originally asumed would be sailing related, may actually have a role in the new skill (which will obviously not be sailing).

Smithing Cannonballs - Hinting on a new Skill?

I also believe the skill may have smithing features, which would explain the rise in bars and ores recently.  My friend seems to think the skill may include Vikings, but that is likely to be speculation. I would like to think the skill may include some sort of Carpentry, however I have been told that several Jagex Moderators have leaked the new skill as beginning with the letter ‘B’.

If anyone knows the Quick Find Code of this thread if it still exists, or has any sort of screenshot, i would be very grateful. Anyway, lets get started into this mountain of chocolate and hope i have room for turkey tonight!

Anyone have a match?

I’ve spent most of the day crampt in a dimly light cavern somewhere under the Dwarven Mine. Armed with a new Dragon Pickaxe i can quickly cut through lumps of mineral deposits to seek out valuable gold ores. My task is not as easy as it seems, through the dusty darkness viscous rock golem lurk ready to crush any unsuspecting miner. The gold is transported to the surface by a pulley system. Carrying a load of gold to the lift is exhausting enough without the danger of rock Golem!

Mining along side highly experienced miners can pose as a disadvantage as the minerals are in short supply. I can only hope by becoming a more experienced miner can help me survive this competitive environment

Where’s the party?

I’ve been trying my hardest to find a party hat seller for pure cash.  I’ve had over 10 people so far claim to have party hats and then turn out to just be time wasters.

I was getting pretty fustrated by the end of the day and recorded a skype call from a bunch of guys. It’s actually quite entertaining when i play it back!

RuneScape Christmas Event 2009

Another RuneScape holiday event, i tried not to get my hopes up too much to avoid disappointment!

I never care much for the actual event, but i was quite disapointed with the reward. I would really have liked some sort of Icicle Sword rather than a Candy Cane.

I also listened to Aximili E I’s RuneScape Live Show on BlogTalkRadio about First impressions to RuneScape Classic. I really enjoyed the show and thought it was a great idea. I did feel like a complete idiot trying to comment on a game i spent only a few minutes on though! Unfortunately my whole browser crashed in the last few minutes of the show. You can listen here: The RSC NOOB SHOW LINK

Here is a screenshot of the completed quest and my video guide, hope you find it useful:

Christmas Holiday Event : A Christmas Warble

Inside Jagex

I was looking through the OfficialJagex twitter for any channels they were following to give hints on the new skill. I actually came across a few channels about Jagex’s upcoming game ‘Mechscape’.

I also believe that Jagex has confired that the new game will actually NOT be called Mechscape, but ‘Stellar Dawn’.

The website stellardawn.com has been registered and currently re-directs to the funorb website.

There have been several leaks of previous graphic developments from Mechscape which Jagex have been quick to remove from Youtube. If you click the following links you can see the copyright claim made by Jagex Ltd.

This is old news but i still felt like sharing

TheBumShow, one of the top 5 Machinima Entries also agreed to have some fun in clan wars with me. I had a real great time, you can listen to our interview here: